Nanny making $45 an hour threatens to quit unless she gets another 6% raise: 'We gave her 3 weeks pay for her bonus and $5000 for her birthday this year.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 30, 2026 8:00 PM EST

It sounds like she's leaving a pretty good gig behind.

The scariest part about leaving a job is that there's no way of knowing if your next job is going to be better or worse. You can measure factors you are aware of before accepting an offer, such as pay, benefits, commute time, and the number of days in the office. But until you walk in that door and spend more than an hour with your new coworkers, you won't know if the vibes are going to be truly rancid or not. It's not uncommon for someone to leave a lower-paying, low-stress job for a higher-paying, high-stress job and quickly regret their decision. 

Some employees leave their jobs prematurely because they genuinely believe that there is something so much better out there. It's probably true that there are better jobs out there that are in your industry, pay more, and for which you are qualified, but that does not necessarily mean that you are going to get one of those jobs. With the current job market, nothing is really a sure thing, and if you quit your job without a concrete offer, you are putting yourself at risk of being unemployed in the long term or being forced to accept a job offer that is worse than your previous job. 

There is a way of quitting your job without actually quitting. You can threaten to leave unless certain conditions are met, and your boss can either agree to said conditions or accept your resignation. In a corporate setting, they will usually do the latter, unless they feel that you are truly irreplaceable and are willing to spend some money to keep you around. 

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  • Grandchildren presenting to their grandmother a handmade drawing postcard and flowers indoor selective focus
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The nanny in this story probably knows she's replaceable, but she doesn't think that her employer will actually take the steps to replace her, even after she vaguely threatens to quit. She has built a relationship with her employers' kids over the past 3 years, and although she's not a perfect nanny, she is good at her job.

  • My nanny is threatening to quit over pay

    Our nanny of 3 years just got a raise at year end and came to me last week saying if we didn't raise her another 6% she was going to leave for another job.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • Emotionally this is really messing with me because we give her above market bonus (3 weeks pay), we gave her $5000 for her birthday this year (she turned 60 so it was a big birthday), and we have been flexible about her carrying over vacation days even though it explicitly says in her contract she is not allowed to.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • She is not underpaid. There are certainly some Nannys in town paid the rate she is asking for and many paid under her current rate.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • A woman and a child sitting in a field of flowers
    via Hrant Khachatryan (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She has more benefits than most. She also constantly complains about how early she has to come to work and I'm actively dialing back my work to let her have less morning hours.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • Woman smiling holding glass mug sitting beside table with macbook
    via Paige Cody

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I don't think she's going to find another job with this many hours and I don't think she has another job waiting.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • I do this an agency has told her about a potential job with this higher rate that she is asking for.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • Guess I'm asking how to handle this. I feel like if I capitulate she's going to do this to me again in the future.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • We do love her but she complains a lot about my kids lately and the early mornings so it's getting to be annoying.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • Also one kid will be in school full time in the fall. \\edit to add she loves my kids and is the best nanny to them and they love her.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • She does complain about them (to me) sometimes but she is great with them \\edit - she is being paid $45/hr we are in a very HCOL area.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • Her hours have never been adjusted and they are exactly the same as the day she started.
    via u/Leo2222221
  • Minute-Aioli-5054 I'd tell her that you feel you've given her a generous rate and can't accommodate another raise, but you appreciate all she's done for your family and that you'd be sorry to see her go. Maybe it's for what's best so you can find another nanny that's more suited for your hours and doesn't complain about your kids to you.
    via u/Minute-Aioli-5054
  • dee8416 How confident are you that she won't do this again in 3 or 6 months? I'd let her leave. If she's being paid fairly, then I'd let her walk. I assume finding a new nanny won't be hard.
    via u/dee8416
  • Sufficient-Cat-4472 Why is she complaining about coming in early? If you need her during certain times and it was part of the agreement then she should be there.
    via u/Sufficient-Cat-4472
  • CzarOfRats Sounds like you need to look for a new nanny
    via u/CzarOfRats
  • yourfavmum I'd let her walk if you just gave her a 6% raise and she's asking for another 6%, so 12%. That's above normal for even COL and annual raise.
    via u/yourfavmum
  • needGuidance792087 The grass is always greener on the other side... or so people think. I'd call her bluff and start looking for a new nanny. It's not about money, it's about work ethic. You just gave her a raise, you sound very accommodating. If I did that at my job my corporate job would just fire me.
    via u/needGuidance792087
  • Jack-Burton-Says Let her. Anyone who approaches you in that way has already decided to leave. It seems from your description she is already disgruntled with the role and she isn't meeting your needs in the first place. Tell her you will not be raising her pay and she is welcome to give notice if she would like. Then I'd start searching for someone quietly anyway if she didn't give notice outright.
    via u/Jack-Burton-Says
  • United-Plum1671 Find someone else. If she has another job lined up, cool. If she doesn't, then she'll have learned a lesson. But why would you want someone that's constantly complaining about your kids?
    via u/United-Plum1671
  • NannyApril5244 No matter what, it's time for a new nanny that won't complain about the hours YOU NEED HER AND PAY HER FOR. That's crazy to me. Tell her okay and that you'll start interviewing right away. You'll know if this is a ploy to get more money, you'll know by her reaction. Best of luck!!
    via u/NannyApril5244
  • PEM_0528 Nope. Start looking for someone new. In no field can you walk in and demand more pay and are just given it because you want it. That's wild.
    via u/PEM_0528

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childcare complaining bonus job birthday raise nanny employer morning mom money
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